I’m a squirrel.
How did this happen? A few minutes ago I was mowing, just riding along in Mrs. Hatfield’s backyard with my earbuds in and minding my own business. Now I’m sitting in the grass that’s, well, waist high. Do squirrels have waists?
I have a tail. I have little hands, or paws, I guess. What the…?! Sitting and staring across the top of the lawn, I find myself a little stunned. What happened? What do I do? What does anyone do when they find themselves in this situation? Ha! If my friends could see me now they’d—well, they’d probably throw something at me.
I must not have had enough water. Surely I’m hallucinating. I mean, it all started with that bright flash of light. Isn’t that what people see sometimes when they pass out? Or is that when people die? Go toward the light, right? I hope I’m not dead. Who dies and becomes a squirrel? Is this some kind of hell, a trick on me in payment for all the tricks I’ve played on others?
I don’t feel dead. I—
What’s that noise, and that smell? Wow, I can really smell! It smells—I think it’s Mrs. Hatfield’s dog. That hateful little poodle. If it goes for my ankles again, I’ll kick it. I swear. I’ll…
Yep, here it comes. It sees me. It’s got that angry little face again, and it’s certainly coming after me. You know, it’s actually a pretty big dog. I’m a squirrel. I’M A SQUIRREL! I have to run but he’s too close!
I jump a good eight feet out of the way and take off running as soon as I hit the ground. I already know where I’m going; I have to make it to the fence and up that big elm tree. Wow, I’m actually outrunning this stinky little dog. This is easy! I hope climbing is easy.
Yep. “Look at me now!” I try to call out from a tree limb about twice as high as the fence. The only sound that comes out of my mouth, though, is some annoying chattering. The dog’s ticked. Bark all you want, little dog. You can’t catch me.
Now would be a good time to take stock of what’s happened. So I was mowing, I wasn’t really paying attention to anything else and my music was turned up. I did notice that flash of light, though. Who wouldn’t? It was blinding. When I opened my eyes, I’d swear there was some weird guy standing right in front of my mower. He was dressed all in gold, even with gold necklaces, or neckbands, or something like that. Blond hair, and long. He looked angry but I only got a glimpse of him. My first reaction was to stop the mower so I didn’t hit him, but it was already stopped. Then he threw something at me or waved at me or something, and I couldn’t see anything anymore. I was a squirrel buried in a pile of my own clothes on the seat of a riding lawnmower. It took me awhile to get out of that, and by then he was gone.
Did he do this to me? The man in gold?
The man in gold. Was that God? He couldn’t be, could he? God wouldn’t look so mad. Something about his eyes…
I need to get home. Maybe mom or dad can figure this out. It’s only ten or twelve blocks across town to my house. Surely I can make it that far. There are plenty of trees between here and there, and I’m pretty fast…